The Benefits of Caregiving

Brain cancer is...

 

...granting us new perspectives.

Today on our walk I completed a telephone interview with a small magazine about care giving.  They focused on "our story," but I prepared--just in case--by thinking about the answer to the more general question:  "What have been the benefits of care giving?"

I hadn't considered how I have grown through care giving until I prepared for this interview.  It was a good opportunity to think about how I am a better person because I have the honor of serving as Darrell's caregiver.  Here's the short list of benefits to me:

1. Selfishly, taking care of Darrell is taking care of myself.  We are one.
2. Care giving grants me an opportunity to express my love for him in very tangible ways.
3. It allows me some explicit control over his cancer by actively fighting it. Acts like making the medical phone calls and changing arrays are my fierce cancer eradication efforts.  
4. Care giving has heightened my empathy not only for Darrell but for all humans suffering.
5. I have learned so much about glioblastoma multiforme.  Don't get me started.
6. I have learned patient advocacy, both the mindset and the skills. Long-time blog readers may remember me crying to some insurance person on the phone when Optune was initially denied (click here for the post).  I still cry but not when I've got my patient advocate hat on. 
7. I have learned self advocacy.  It took me a while to say to post-diagnosis Darrell, "sometimes my ideas are better than your ideas, and this time, we'll do it my way."  This lesson applies far beyond my marriage; I have gained a clearer sense of myself and my priorities.  
8. I have learned a new social skill set.  Serving as a care giver has taught me a whole new set of skills for reaching out to strangers regarding their stories and for finding the connections among us all. 

I ran my initial "benefits" list by Darrell, and the above current list includes his insights into the changes he's seen in me as a person through care giving.

A final thought on care giving:   We chose the image, above, from our walk today because red-tailed hawks are just so beautiful, watched from below.  We also chose it because the video capturing the birds reveals something metaphorical about our relationship:

Click here if the video won't play (alternate YouTube link).

What strikes us about the two birds in the video is how they soar not alone but so beautifully in tandem.  I may be Darrell's caregiver, but equally, he is mine.